what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
