Old men and throwing up are my life now.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
