Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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