im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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