shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
