captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
