She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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