The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
