I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
We are all done wearing pants today
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
