So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
