mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
you're hired as official boob wrangler
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
