3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
The beer is more important than you right now.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
