We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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