"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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