I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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