i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
