am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
