Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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