Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
