I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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