dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
So many bounce houses so little time
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
