Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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