she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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