The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
