This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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