I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
