the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
