ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
