i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
