Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize