I forgot how hot balto sounded
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
