I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
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