If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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