Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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