The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
