This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize