i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
