Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
