It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize