My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
