Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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