when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
What drink are we having for lunch?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize