Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Randomize
