It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just pee around me
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
