sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
