Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
