i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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