Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
