Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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