I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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