This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
