Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
