dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
