you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
