you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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