You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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