Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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