Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I can text with my tongue
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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