Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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