New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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